*The Avenghers

What dude is going to play black widow?

Isn't it ridiculously impractical for a soldier to have their stomach exposed?

I wonder what Weird Al thinks of the Lonely Island crew. I haven't seen any direct quotes. I like them both, and although they are both doing "funny music", they have gone about it in different ways. On an unrelated note, I have to admit I'm pretty impressed by the longevity of Al's career. He could have very easily been a fad that people got sick of quickly. Granted, some did, but he has done very well for himself, all things considered.

TIL that a wig of black, curly hair and a pair of glasses makes anyone look like Weird Al.

In college, I was a DJ at KCPR - this is where "Weird" Al got his start. He came back to SLO for a concert and agreed to do a short interview with us the afternoon before his concert. The "short" interview turned into a three hour conversation. He was so awesome, just hung out, talked about the old days - even though he was fired by KCPR for some bullshit reason, all he had was love for the station. Ranks up there as one of the best days of my life.

Then I automatically reload after wasting 2 bullets.

After playing through borderlands 2 I now do the same thing

Back when CoD2 was fun and you didn't have to worry about someone having a better class than you

Doesn't matter, had angry sex.

Some guys stay with the crazy so long that I think they secretly enjoy the drama. Can any drama addicted men verify?

good gahd you have no idea how relevant that is right now, LOL

/r/mildlyinteresting

This is so unfunny it hurts

Theres a glitch in the matrix...

Why would anyone freak out over a bong that's just sitting there minding its own business?

that's a nice car jack, tell her to send it to me.

I have this irresistible urge to write "Those things'll get you so high". But, well, no. I'll just go get some counselling or something.

The best is when they hear you calling, know you want them to come to you, and they just watch you as you wander back and forth, in and out of rooms.

That is the fanciest bed I've ever seen not in a catalog.

If you have a blurry bed set, don't get a blurry cat.

His inner dialogue: "Oh man... Uncle RyanSmithN is pretending to be a chair again... I'll let him have his fun..."

so many toys...

Your nephew isn't very bright. I found you after only 10 seconds.

The right thing to do would be to show it to reddit now..

Grandma is an Asian Roseanne Barr

The tattoo is of her grandma making that face.

TIL your boss masturbates in the bathroom at work.

None of this story is true in any way at all.

I don't get it..

Remember to strap yourself to a pipe if you get caught in the middle of it.

I'm terrified of tornadoes. I don't know why, but other natural disasters don't scare me as bad as tornadoes do. I would be shitting my pants if I was the position you were in.

Ended up being the same size and on the same path as the May 3rd, 1999 tornado. That one caused around 1.2 billion in damages, this one is expected to at least double that. It's the worst thing about living in Oklahoma, besides there being nothing to do.

I get this a lot from one of my favorite cousins. She's a great person, really funny and alive, but she's got a weight problem. Like, a morbid obesity problem -- if she's not there just yet she will be in a few years with her current trend. We lost an aunt when we were young to complications from surgery that were a direct result of her obesity, and yet my cousin refuses to admit she has a problem. If I tell her that I am genuinely worried for her heath I get screamed at for calling her fat or I'm a "skinny bitch and not a real woman anyway". Excuse me, all I mean is I love you and I don't want you to die. :(

My favorite is all my overweight lady friends posting pictures of Marilyn Monroe and her "curves". I have nothing against people who struggle with their weight...provided they realize that they are overweight and not "curvy". If you want me to accept what you are, you must begin by accepting what you are.

My perspective, as someone who's been on both sides of this fence: When you're fat, people hate you for no other reason than the fact that you're not appealing to look at. The people that hate you are the ones that are skinnier than you, the ones that you constantly wish you could be. You're bullied and teased and talked about relentlessly. Typically, you become defensive. After all of your flaws, especially ones that you're most ashamed about such as being fat, have been picked apart and used against you, you start to do the same to others. You get this kind of natural hate for people skinnier than you going. It's a defense mechanism. It's sad. When you lose that weight, the overweight people that didn't lose weight alongside you look down on you for the same reason you used to look down on skinny people. You're becoming one of them. This plays on the overweight person's fears; Now that you're skinnier, are you going to be mean to them too? That's all they know - that people skinnier than they are hate them, so they're automatically defensive. I'm not saying it's right, but until shaming people for being fat, like they're some kind of hideous, toxic leper stops, fat people hating on skinny people won't stop either. It's a dark and vicious circle and it will perpetuate itself until everyone accepts everyone else exactly the way they are with judgment. Only problem is, that won't ever happen. That's not the world we live in, and frankly, it never will be. Just get some thicker skin and stop letting others' opinions of you get to you. That's the only real solution if you don't want anyone hating on you for any reason.

This might be a repost but I don't mind. That cow looks like a nice cow. I hope that cow has a good day.

10/10 would cuddle

Indeed

Judging by the upper left picture, it can play VHS tapes.

I actually came to r/gaming hoping that someone put together the clips from that teaser. Glad to see you do not disappoint.

Kill me...

Ludicrous speed, GO!!!

Wait. Your girlfriend must've posted this already. Karmaconspiracy? I think so.

to boldly go where no dog has gone before

This is verging on Facebook material

It is because you are in close proximity to the walls and doors. The patterns on the walls, carpets, and ceilings are also adding to this illusion as they are essentially reduced to a complex blur that further conveys the illusion of motion and movement to the brain. Outside is big and open and grass is just a solid green object as you are moving

Where is the funny?

http://i.imgur.com/kNb4Ekn.png

Cthk...Cthk...Cthk...Cthk...

Did she just snap that deer's neck and then stand back in giddy surprise?

And he's touching the tarantula being consumed by the flesh eating fungus!!!

Cordyceps Nature's Beautiful Killer

Time to fire the Halos.

Otherwise you would've had to waffle stomp.

Opposite scenario: Realize you had to take a shower before getting into the shit?

kirkland wet wipes bro, take a shit after a shower and it don't matter none hun, cause you got clean buns.

I had very strict parents. Out of my graduating class of about 900, four of us were in attendance on senior ditch day. This was 30 years ago, and I still feel like a bit of a loser when I think about it.

Hey all, that's me in that picture. Proof: http://imgur.com/ObtIaMi I am in fact a Junior, not a pussy.

This happened to me in High School. I was the only junior in an AP Chemistry class. Senior skip day was a Friday. Teacher figured there was no point going over new material, asked me if I had any question (which I didn't), and then proceeded to do bad ass experiments with me. He had me make some Skittles explode, he had me make a giant tower of ash shoot out of a beaker, and a few others. He took several bad ass pictures of me doing these experiments. The next class he had had the pictures developed (this was before digital cameras were a big thing) and pass them around class.

Um this is so wrong. A guy in the background said to him to put his shirt on not the girl.

I like the horse costume one. :)

I know the dude in the commercial. Look him up on youtube http://www.youtube.com/user/theWEEDreport

I'm pretty sure the guy in the suit is Thad Cassle

is anyone else concerned that it looks as if this movie is going to be taking place in broad daylight. The whole thing about being a ninja is that you are never seen. Jesus Splinter even gives the boys a speech about it after they save april the first time in the original live action movie.

So this guy is going to play Raphael?

And here I am watching cartoons in my underwear at 3 in the afternoon.

And here I am drinking a Sierra Nevada with my morning coffee just to get through another day...

That looks like the mountaineers route on Whitney.

Original Post Title: Not your typical r/aww post, but I wanted to share my 94yr old grandmother dancing. Picture: Link :P

Btw, she calls this "little fishing boy." kind of obvious that's what it is. :-) She plans to make it able to hang on her wall. That fish is actually from my papa's tackle box. He's long passed, but it's awesome to see a little something of his in my gmas crafts.

I folded a blanket once.

Except.... Cherry Blossoms in Japan were all gone in late April....

Cherry blossoms were up in DC about a month ago... beautiful picture.

We skipped Spring here (Midwest). It frosted one weekend then was 85 degrees on Monday.

He jumped from the highest turnbuckle of all....Heaven.

I think you mean "averted". Cool image though.

And with the first pick of the 2011 rapture. Jesus selects... MACHO MAN RANDY SAVAGE!

I hide everyone who annoys me. I don't "unfriend" them, just in case I want to contact them later, but their status updates are gone. That includes annoying political people, annoying game inviting people, annoying "here's a picture of my food" people, etc. The same applies to Reddit.

or you could just hide them and remain friends with them IRL.

But he's wearing a Barca jersey

Obligatory: Bowties are cool.

Probably difficult to wrap your head around it right now, but one day that kitten is going to be a cat.

Very adorable! Our Tuxedo cat loves to wear bowties. Consider x-posting to /r/KittiesInClothes?

I bet that's the safest room in the house! ^^oof.

Too soon.

That's just sick. Some people....

That's a painting, if anybody is curious.

Actually, this is a Black-crested Titmouse. Tufted Titmice only have a small amount of black just above the bill.

It needs arms. somebody put arms on it.

Short transcription: > Host: "How does it taste, nice and sweet? You drink it yourself?" >> Woman: "Yes I always taste it beforehand myself" > Host: "From whom can I have a taste"? >> Woman: "You can from me, I brought you a bottle" > Host: "But not straight from the tit from someone here?" (laughter in audience) >> Woman: "Well .... If you don't bite you may try it ..." (laughter and clapping) > Host: (gets ready): "Spray it in my face!! haha, no no no. How do I do this?" >> Woman: "I don't know, I never did it myself ..." > Host: (jokingly, after tasting): "I find the second one better tasting, but I can taste that you've eaten asparagus yesterday" >> Woman: "Well, not yesterday but Tuesday, haha"

Milk is always better when You drink it straight out of the jug.

Strangest boner

That arm raise at the end, perfectly timed.

Excellent build up.

That's one of the cutest things I've seen lately. Loved it when he turned with his hands aloft too.

my parents' dog was like that as a puppy. oh god those sharp little puppy teeth.

Man, I feel bad for Gary Busey's kid.

Poor dude looks like he's ready to cry.

Thinking about that green laser light again...

CATSBY! That's so many kinds of genius, I'm sad I've never thought of it.

Catsby turned out alright at the end. I was what Catsby preyed on, what furry dust floated in the wake of his hunts.

Don't feel bad for them. The football team has to play on the rifle range.

There is a 'no ball games' sign around my area. I fondle myself in the front garden dressed in nothing but a robe and fluffy dog slippers. Not relevant, just wanted to tell somebody.

Can we get some more JPEG?

I was chasing that duck for you imgithbethatguy. It was a gift... for YOU.

"But...but...but..."

You mean human, you.

Here is the story as I see it. A young man had a collection of smut. Where to hide it he thought to himself. Hey there is a hole in this wall, I'll just hide it in there. Perfect. This lasted until one day Dad finally got around to fixing the wall. Now the young man's treasure was inside the wall where he couldn't get it without putting a new hole in the wall and getting into trouble. The smut haunted him for years, just out of reach, whispering to him at night and driving him insane. This is the story of the tell tale porn.

Had an uncle who did that. Pose for magazines I mean.

See, this is why you should have a cum box. No structural damage.

I think the Westboro Baptist Church has created a terrible, TERRIBLE stereotype of all Christians. They are not even close to how the rest of Christianity are

I dont think a lot of devout christians are that way. Ive been going through a rough time lately, and I have a friend who is a devout christian to the max. He spends more time doing church activities than he is at home. He is a great listener and always has time to listen to me while I vent. And at the end he always says he is praying for me and hopes things turn around for me. Although I dont believe in God and/or praying, I know this guy truly says this from the bottom of his heart. He knows what my believes are, but I think he knows how much I appreciate his kindness.

I hate this. If I mention in passing that my mother's side of the family or my boss (who are all awesome people) is Christian, some people immediately scoff and say, "I'm sorry." Dude. What? Are you sorry for being as ignorant and intolerant as the extremists you claim to hate? gah.

Do you know why it was abandoned and when? It's a beautiful hotel and I bet in it's hay-day it was top notch!

Anyone else have the sudden urge to spend the night?

Welcome to the hotel Californiaaaaa!

Hey if there was actually as much evidence for God in real life as there is in Game of Thrones I'd believe in the Red God too.

For the record, Davos in the books is a pretty devout follower of The Seven.

I got a good chuckle at Tyrion's drunken rant last night "I am the god of tits and wine!" Nice call back to last season.

queen of the cacti: http://imgur.com/ZJO7t6p

Cacthulu....

Game of Thorns.

Weird that your grocery store is still selling Valentine's candy in May.

I find older people don't give two shits. They'll flirt with whoever. I've seen old ladies in those carts ask a guy to get them something on a shelf and they'll stare at his ass when he goes to reach for it. The same with men in the carts. They just don't give a shit. They've been through enough, that they just want to be entertained.

Whatcha got there, the 4 volt?

I found your brother!

Remind me of this.

When I saw the thumbnail, I honestly thought that was a beard.

Imagine you take out a girl on the first date to an Italian restaurant and she pulls out this thing.

I'm a guy and I would also like to be turned into a lion

When I had long hair I just used a pony tail, I wish that this had come out prior to me cutting my hair because this is obviously much more discreet.

Caption should have been "cat nav"

If owner puts me somewhere, I stays long enough for a picture.

If you brakes, I hates.

You don't need a tattoo for this lovely trick. You say "I'm gonna show you my elephant" Then you pull out both pockets out of your pants and say "Here are the ears..." and then "...now let me show you the trunk...".

this is where they got the idea I reckon Here NSFW

There's a great Harland Williams stand-up where he's interacting with the audience. Tattoos come up and he's going through people basically ridiculing their design choices one after the other. Finally some guy says: "Yeah I got a tattoo. Elephant ears." Harland takes a moment and goes "Oh yeah? Elephant ears?" Guy says "Yeah, wait 'til you see the trunk!" The audience busts out laughing, but Harland just gives it a second before saying: "Is that so? Say, anyone have a tattoo of a magnifying glass?"

It is the grand canyon from an aircraft photoshoped to look like it was taken from space. also: http://karmadecay.com/r/pics/comments/1epk1h/grand_canyon_from_the_stratosphere/

I was expecting the Stratosphere in Las Vegas

Anyone seeking more info might also check here: title | points | age | /r/ | comnts :--|:--|:--|:--|:-- Grand Canyon From Space | 2 | 15^dys | pics | 1 Grand Canyon as seen from the ISS | 13 | 1^mo | pics | 4 Space view of the Grand Canyon | 28 | 2^mos | pics | 5 The Grand Canyon seen from space. | 3779 | 4^mos | pics | 187 [[PIC] The Grand Canyon](http://www.reddit.com/r/woahdude/comments/1az7yl/pic_the_grand_canyon/) | 1827 | 1^mo | woahdude | 63 The Grand Canyon | 1868 | 1^mo | pics | 64 Grand Canyon from space | 1541 | 3^mos | pics | 61 [The Grand Canyon, viewed from space [pic]](http://www.reddit.com/r/woahdude/comments/170xr6/the_grand_canyon_viewed_from_space_pic/) | 551 | 3^mos | woahdude | 9 The grand canyon…simply magnificent | 3 | 1^mo | pics | 5 The Grand Canyon from space | 28 | 9^mos | pics | 3 [Grand Canyon, Arizona, United States by Travis Odger [3264 x 4928]](http://www.reddit.com/r/EarthPorn/comments/10m5n4/grand_canyon_arizona_united_states_by_travis/) ^B | 2039 | 7^mos | EarthPorn | 83 Grand Canyon | 20 | 10^mos | pics | 1 [Grand Canyon from a Jet.[Full Critique (including Post Processing)]](http://www.reddit.com/r/photocritique/comments/w0qzr/grand_canyon_from_a_jetfull_critique_including/) | 46 | 10^mos | photocritique | 27 ITAP of an alien world. | 26 | 12^mos | itookapicture | 11 Grand Canyon, Arizona. | 158 | 7^mos | pics | 2 Grand Canyon, Arizona. | 37 | 7^mos | pics | 14 The Grand Canyon as seen from space. | 23 | 4^mos | pics | 1 ["You don't get to be bored" - Louis CK [479x750]](http://www.reddit.com/r/QuotesPorn/comments/15knri/you_dont_get_to_be_bored_louis_ck_479x750/) | 521 | 4^mos | QuotesPorn | 16 *Source: karmadecay

Lots of people still believe this as adults. "All-timers" is another common one.

This is called an eggcorn - http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eggcorn - where you use a word/phrase that sounds similar and has a similar enough meaning to the real phrase :)

Did the same thing. That was an awkward conversation my mum had to have with me after visiting my great auntie in a home.

Hey it's a spray in CS:S that's not obscene for once!

I feel like I understand the guy in this pic. On the one hand, I'm looking at what's on the wall and my sanity is slowly crumbling away. On the other hand, I kind of think I like it. That's what that guy is thinking. He knows he will be lost, but he's not sure he wants it to stop.

I don't get it... what's the joke here?

I'm pretty sure you're supposed to make a baseball bat out of it now.

I just wanna rub it.

BEHOLD! THE WHITE TREE OF GONDOR!

This pisses me off so much. I've been on a really good diet for the past year and I lost a lot of weight. I'm still technically 5 pounds over weight, but I feel like that chart is bullshit anyway. People are CONSTANTLY telling me that I must have a worm, and it's not in a joking way. It's full blown concern. My skin, hair and nails are healthy. People who are my size tell me that I look like I'm in the best shape of my life. People who are fat think I should drop everything and see a doctor. It's fucking pathetic.

I am a skinny guy and probably what annoys me the most is the sometimes downright evil looks I get from people. Not to be mean but it is usually heavier women that do it. Guess it is a product of mass media promoting that everyone should be super skinny. The sad part is I am a closet fat kid. I eat everything!!!

I hated being called too skinny. I think it's just as offensive to tell a skinny person to "eat a sandwich" as it is to tell a fat person to "put down the sandwich".

new game: abandoned prison cell or $1000 NYC apartment.

This is like the same size as my tiny Japanese apartment. Except this is free and has nicer furniture.

That rug really ties the room together.

You know nothing John Snow.

Dammit, John, your dancing is unbearable. I'll show myself out.

Classic John.

Please report back on how the virtual sex went.

Quick update on it; Wow. All those reviews/previews claiming you "must experience it to understand it" - they're completely correct. My mother called over to ask me how finals were going - she let herself in, and promptly told me how ridiculous I looked. I let her try it out, and she spent the next 5 minutes shouting "Oh wow, fuck, wow" while staring around the room, in the SDK-Bundled demo. After staring up at the ceiling for a further minute, she handed it back to me. The wow factor is pretty insane - it actually reminds me of the first time I saw a proper 3d world in Mario 64, where I spent ages just looking at the level of detail in things.. but on a much more extreme scale. With it being a dev kit, there are issues - the resolution is noticeably low, at 1280x800. There's a glass window/pixelated barrier that you'll notice on your first play, but you get used to it within around 5-10 minutes, as if your brain is just.. compensating for it, and filling in the gaps. But as the consumer version is receiving 1080p resolutions, this really isn't anything to worry about. The headset itself is quite comfortable! You just find the sweet spot, and tighten the straps on it, and that's that. Open the SDK-Bundled tech demo, and prep for the wow factor. For a dev kit, it's surprisingly plug and play. The stories of "getting your rift legs" are very true; I felt quite dizzy after the first few minutes of playing with it. What's also pretty jarring is when someone in the room with you starts speaking - you'd instinctively turn around and look at them, and it's disorientating when you don't see anyone there. Same for if someone walks behind your chair to get past you - turn around, nothing there. All I could think of was how awesome a horror game would be with some surround sound going on. Considering the USB-to-Rift connection, I'm hoping a consumer model is built that incorporates some surround sound headphones. Most of my time after the initial wow factor was spent messing around with the Vireio perception kit, and mucking about with driver settings to see how third party games play. Portal 2 is patchy at best, wheras HL2 is.. amazing. Amazing isn't even the word. Just..out of this world. Literally. I'm currently downloading the alpha for Among the sleep, which I've been told has some rift support - I'll upload a photo of my soiled pants if so. On the dev front; I've got another 4 days of finals to go, so after another hour or two of messing around, I'm forbidding myself from playing with it. Currently my only experience in game dev is in Java with some LWJGL, and actionscript - neither of which I'm massively interesting in expanding on over the summer. I already lined up Unity to be my Summer learning experience; and with it already having rift support, I can't wait to get my hands on it. I was intending on getting to grips with the basic engine mechanics by building a starwing/starfox clone, so doing that with Rift support sounds like an awesome project to get working on. Now, if you'll excuse me.. I need to go shoot me up some Combine. EDIT: Addtional, and final update :) http://www.reddit.com/r/gaming/comments/1eoxum/almost_9_months_after_my_pledge_its_finally_here/ca2kb2f

For those of you asking what this is.

Overly attached Veterinarian.

/r/cringe would appreciate these comments.

Dem eyes

I'm really only successful by association, but thanks for including me. I'm not sure what I like more.. the car, the fact that someone thinks you look like JT, or that you got called out for wearing a belt and suspenders.

Great looking Galaxy. Hope you two get many years/miles of enjoyment from it.

Belt+suspenders=Ultrahipster

For those who aren't from wisconsin, go green means they're Green Bay Packer fans

> Private Joker: I think I was trying to suggest something about the duality of man, sir. > Pogue Colonel: The what? > Private Joker: The duality of man. The Jungian thing, sir. > Pogue Colonel: Whose side are you on, son? > Private Joker: Our side, sir.

Milwaukee plate. Packers fan.

That doe is clearly underage and has her bare ass to the camera. This image should probably be removed entirely.

And yet still doesn't reconize black people. Shameful.

They also protect the privacy of inanimate drawings.

For a moment I thought Adam Scott/Ben was wearing Google Glasses, and it actually made sense. I'd watch that episode.

P&R! <3

What season is this from?

Interesting and sad, but not funny.

It's a repost into the wrong sub. Try /r/aww

Haha! Hilarious. /s

As an American, I never see that kind of shit in my newsfeed either. It's almost, almost like I can control who I am friends with on Facebook.

♪ Plenty of crackhead doucheclowns in America. ♫

Scumbag Europe

Guys.... I was sitting at a red light. Yes, I was in the driver seat. Yes, I took both hands off the wheel. However, I was sitting at a complete stop :)

I thought this was Oklahoma...we just had an F5 tornado rip through the town that was about 5 miles from here.

nice f-150

Ok, I think "horrifyingly spectacular" sum this up. Outside of movies and video games I'd never thought that a car could literally fly like that from a crash.

Does anyone know what happened to the person(s) inside the van?

YouTube took down the video (as they commonly do with things of this nature), so here's a mirror: http://www.reddit.com/r/videos/comments/1epa0a/i_thought_russian_dash_cam_wont_surpise_me/ Edit: I made a whole new post because not everyone reads the comments on links.

> Im not homophobic i am religious! Not mutually exclusive.

My "religious" school stood up for something, only for its accepting nature to be tainted by a stupid and blind cohort.

They obviously don't teach grammar or spelling at that school.

In Pennsylvania we call it an Amish segway

Immediately thought of this

What makes it Mexican?

Well...that evolved quickly

So did you ever have sex with that atheist girl? Did the guy watch?

No way! It's, "Oh, Sagan baby! You take me to the COSMOS!"

>Fake reporter loses his pants during a fake live street broadcast FTFY (If you look at OP's source, KOHA is the station's callsign. That's not an actual station#KO). Add in the whole heavy-handed anti coal, Sierra club bullshit, and it becomes more transparent)

There's a guy I know, Rob, he was 17 and getting high with his friends at the track. One of his friends dared him to 'pants' a chick they knew that was running. He did, well he thought he did. In his high state, he grabbed the wrong lady - a middle-aged woman. The woman, startled, fell and skinned her knee. The cops were called. He was charged with attempted indecent liberties, as an adult. He spent 3 years (triple ~~the max sentence~~ his plea agreement in the largest miscarriage of justice I've ever heard) at an institution for sexual offenders. There he was raped and beaten and abused (by guards and inmates). He came out a broken man. He can never get or keep a job or a place to live. No one wants a registering sex offender around. He's 40 now, a complete bum, nothing in his life but pain and misery. Because of the same prank depicted here. Really just wanted to share that story. edit Facts, I checked 'em. I was a little wrong.

looks like Will Ferrell

you stay I go SUPERMAN

Just goes to show how much one small act means to another.

Liek if u crie every tim

can't wait until they both start drooling

Reminds me of my Dogs

Mutual and beautifully unspoken love. Made my morning.

We also found him the last place we looked. How stupid is that? We should have looked there first.

Omid Jalili, "the only Iranian comic. Which is technically 4 more than Germany."

This guy (Omid Djalili) is also the voice of Yusuf Amir in The Ballad of Gay Tony.

Can i have a minute talking about our god neptune/poseidon?

He was hungry for hands.

Good thing it didn't have a yellow bow-tie...

Do you really want to live in a world where people can just go around logging out of things they haven't logged into? That would be anarchy.

Medal of Repost

Yeah, what kind of asshole tries to log out when they are not even logged in.

Masturbate with it.

Might I direct your attention to /r/asmr

Those are horrible. I legitimately felt violated every time my friend snuck up on me and started fucking my head with it. I absolutely do not understand the appeal.

just think right now there are people who want to stone you to death. lots of them :D like hundreds of thousands.

TIL Mohammed was a firebender.

Gave it a shot

shouldn't they be on their side to prevent the cork from drying out?

It's weird that those wine bottles have been in a cellar longer than my grandmother has been alive.

This is a cellar in Tokaj, Hungary. The man who runs it provides wines to presidents and royalty around the world. Before being led in, we nervously awaited his arrival in the village square. Soon an old man in a cheesecutter cap appeared, squeaking down the road on an ancient bicycle. He first told my girlfriend she was beautiful, then led us into the cellar and, after a quiet, dignified tour, sat us down to give us a glass each of his father's 1956 vintage. Bottled during the Hungarian revolution.

Was she wearing a ring?

"it's ok, my wife has a boyfriend too"

I was on a patio, enjoying the sun. The guy at the table next to me starts up conversation (we're both male). He seems to be flirting with me. No ring. All good. Then he mentions his wife. Bastard.

All hail the pumpkin king!

Skeletor. I would have named him Skeletor.

...is he a master of fright, and a demon of light?

Fun fact: Widmanstätten patterns found inside meteorites cannot be replicated on Earth. This is because the patterns can only be formed in extremely slowly cooling nickel/iron mixtures (over millions of years) to form two different alloys: Taenite and Kamacite, that form slightly different crystal structures.

Widmanstätten Pattern

How much does the cutting blade affect the pattern?

Awesome, OP. My only critique is that it should obviously say, "Fuck Peaches, get Mushrooms."

When I first heard the song "Peaches" when I was a kid, it made me laugh-- all that talk about eating peaches made me about Mario literally devouring the flesh of Princess Peach. A few months later, my mom caught me listening to the song as I was working on homework. She started to chew me out for listening to such a raunchy song, and I thought I'd be clever and told her it was about Mario attacking Princess Peach. She laughed, sat me down, and explained to me what the song was implying. I haven't looked at Mario the same way since.

Don't you mean "get coins?"

This is hard to believe.

Sources or it didn't happen.

Wow, the kid who got bullied by him must be PISSED that he can't enjoy the movies of his childhood comicbook hero.

They are your handprints from opening and closing the window. The oil residue stops the condensation buildup where its been touched. My friend discovered a similar effect when his car windscreen steamed up one morning and he had to explain to his mother why his girlfriend's footprints were all over the screen.

Am I the only one who thought that some chick put her hands on there to brace herself as she was getting nailed from behind?

A few years back my parents went to Vegas and left me to watch the dog/house. 2 days into the week at about 3 in the morning my dog starts barking at the front of our house and I figure because she's old and whatever it's nothing and she's barking at someone waking by. I go to sleep in the next hour. At one other point she started barking but in my sleepy haze I told her to quit it and passed back out. The next morning I get up and start opening windows and I get to a window on my porch that faces my neighbors porch (our porch is closed in and an extension of our living room their porch is open). I raise the blinds am there are two full handprints on the outside of the window and the screen is pushed up. That week people were trying to break into houses. Needless to say I never doubted my dog again and spent the rest of that week sleeping in the living room with some weapons.

TXGRIZZ is a dead man walking

That tweet directed at Andy Dick is probably the greatest tweet ever.

The Tenacious D one was actually really clever and kind of a compliment.

The little girl in the bottom right hand corner just lost a ton of money on this match.

Has anyone noticed what OP's username is in reverse?

FUN FACT: That isn't a frosted window.

social anxiety and introversion are two different things.

That's not what an introvert is

Or you could just poison them, starve them, or stab them... And not give them a way out...

I thought the couch was a pair of legs for a minute

Thankfully, didn't kill the cat.

Looked at the thumbnail Looked at the title Expected the cat to explode Realized it's /r/aww, not /r/wtf

That is one happy-looking kid.

My hand makes friends with my dick all the time. They get along great.

Since god doesn't exist, you are alone "with god" as well.

Stephen* FTFY

I'm not convinced the quality of this image is low enough yet.

I'll be honest: I'm finding the sexual innuendo towards the Disney Princesses kinda creepy.

i dunno it does say on the box "what kids want"

Here is the amazon link to the product: http://www.amazon.com/Disney-Pixar-Cars-Racing-Inflatable/dp/B007Z4SY20 Notice anything different? Clear photoshop of the image. Grab your pitchforks.

Her legs...they just get cut off. :)

I have a friend who works with Soldiers Angels and a couple months ago she did a drive for bedding and bathroom textiles for soldiers returning home that would be living in dorms (or whatever the army calls them). The made up the beds and left a care package of snacks, drinks and toiletries for the guys who would be arriving late at night so they had a bed to sleep in and something to eat wit little effort. She had kids sheets and blankets and beach towels with cartoon characters on them. She tried to stick at least 1 childish thing in each room they made up because she figured, sometimes, no matter how tough you are, when you come home from war you want to remember something innocent. Childhood cartoons were a good way to remember better times. your shower curtain might have been used for a similar reason.

The ducks are whimsical because they have no need or use for umbrellas.

"Yeah, I like duckies motherfucker. You got a problem wit that?!?"

I love that this implies that the Robot is religious.

Robot presidents? You mean like John Quincy Adding Machine; he struck a chord with the voters when he pledged not to go on a killing spree, but like most politicians, he promised more than he could deliver.

I think Nixon is making a come-back in 3008!

Frankenstein was the name of the creator, not the monster.

Theory of FUCK IS THAT FIRE

It's aliiiive.... relatively.

ITSAGIANTGUINEAPIGIWANTIT And I'll also have twenty guinea pigs and it'll be the king of my guinea pigs oh my god

This Capy has a website and a Facebook page - his name is Garibaldi Rous, and the cat's name is Flopsy.

Looks like they're about to make a catybara.

I wish I could upvote this twice! Everything is right with this.

This is so offensive...TO BACON!

Allah bu Ackbar!!!

welcome to computers

no problem tim, it will be erased on next system restore.

That kid across from you looks stoned

$100 isn't a very successful night for a stripper.

pretty sure you completely missed the purpose of an awesome aunt/uncle gift

Did you graduate from grade school?

That's deep man, "I thought I was the one watching him, but it was he who was watching me all along"

This is such a repost it hurts.

> 7. No Memes > > Go to /r/AdviceAnimals or /r/memes instead. Doesn't anybody read the rules?

Press the Y button hurry!! Combo move!

You have a kitten and a baby? Good luck with all the cuteness overload.

Even the controller is scratched.

I've never seen that expression on a Chihuahua.

Yes this is dogfort.

Can your daughter make me a cave, too? But with real women?

It kind of looks like a wax replica.

The best way too cook a lean cut like this is to sear all sides and put directly into a crock-pot on medium heat with coarse chopped veggies. It will make a wonderful stew! Hope your dad feels better soon:)

If it doesn't heal right this is what it will look like if they're required to do a skin graft. http://imgur.com/1AfM0bq This is almost 9 years after it happened to me, developed compartment syndrome after i had surgery to fix my radius and ulna which i snapped in half when i threw my arm out to catch myself on a trampoline. they performed a fasciotomy. a month in the hospital and a vacuum machine that would draw the excess fluid out of the tissue later it wasn't able to close all the way, and this is what I'm left with now, it blends well and a little better when i get a tan.

Wow that spider is actually gorgeous

I was taking some photos of a Swallowtail Tiger Butterfly once, and accidentally got a shot of a White Crab Spider like that getting ready to pounce. Apparently he changed his mind because I went on taking shots of the butterfly. Didn't even notice the spider until that evening when I was processing the photos on my PC. Pic: http://kenthomas.us/Images/post/Eastern_Tiger_Swallowtail-27527-1.jpg

Design I found a dimpled spider, fat and white, On a white heal-all, holding up a moth Like a white piece of rigid satin cloth -- Assorted characters of death and blight Mixed ready to begin the morning right, Like the ingredients of a witches' broth -- A snow-drop spider, a flower like a froth, And dead wings carried like a paper kite. What had that flower to do with being white, The wayside blue and innocent heal-all? What brought the kindred spider to that height, Then steered the white moth thither in the night? What but design of darkness to appall?-- If design govern in a thing so small. Robert Frost

He's a character from Baby Einstein and his name is Neptune.

Ninja Turtle

Norkeling

Nice trouser snake.

Holy shit. OP delivered.

http://i.imgur.com/cJa1kS5.gif

How do you know this is one of his favorite quotes?

references? I could imagine this as a "quote" that people made up.

I also liked this one ... If I had to choose a religion, the sun as the universal giver of life would be my god.

Why do you have a pole in your house?

That's some impressive technique. Now get some grip on those paws and he'll be inverting in no time!

That's almost unbearable cute.

I don't get it ;-;

Oh hey the entire joke in the title

I pronounced it YOLO TOE OH NO and wondered wtf it meant. :/

Wii 2 would make the console Wii Ni in Japanese.

Shouldn't it be called Super Wii?

I agree, I think Nintendo has over-saturated the market with versions and editions to the point where consumers have difficulty understanding their options. Kid: "Hey mom, I want a DS!" Salesperson: "Ok ma'am, would you like a DS, DS Lite, DSi, DSi XL, or 3DS?" Mom: "Wat"

Don't become so tolerant that you tolerate intolerance.

I think if you respect someone's right to express their belief and they believe you are going to hell, then, by extension, you respect their right to express that think think you are going to hell. The series of statements aren't actually consistent.

When someone tells me "we'll that's my opinion, you have to respect it" I tell them, no, I respect you HAVE an opinion but I don't have to respect your opinion.

Isn't it pretty common knowledge the pledge did not originally contain under god?

The original pledge was written by the avowed socialist Francis Bellamy, and didn't contain "Under God" until the 1950s.

Yep. The "under God" part is a recent addition, around the time of the rise of McCarthy and the foundation of the neoConservative. I say we go back to the good old days...

I am a retired wildlife rehabilitator who routinely received animals at home after hours. Set up a comfy, roomy box half on a heating pad one night for some babies I planned on taking to the facility first thing in the morning . . . husband gets up first and finds a green heron nestling perched on the toaster. One of many oh-shit moments that turned out fine.

He's adorable! His head and the rest of his body are the same size!

He is so cute! I love Opossums!

"I have three kids and no money. Why can't I have no kids and three money?"

Some days at the DMV, we don't let the line move at all. We call those weekdays. EDIT: HMV -> DMV

Homer is pushing a wheelbarrow full of bowling balls that have their finger holes filled with liquor out of the house. Marge: Homer, are you secretly running a distillery from our basement? Homer: Oh Marge, I can't lie to you... [pause] ...So long!

You are not alone..

Indoobidably

I often do this myself. Spell check is my friend.

Genuinely employed this once on a bus. Some degenerates were giving me hassle because my ipod was pink. One of them said I was gay, I said "Yes actually, I am". He said he would batter me, I said "Okay, but only if we can spoon after". Jakey backed the fuck away after that.

Plot twist: Bully is gay and things quickly escalate to attempted rape.

Might also work if you're a girl!

The cute little guy on the left is a garden eel. Just saw some of them at the aquarium the other day, the cool thing about them is that they tend to stay in their sandhole their whole life, also they look cute! Edit: changed it.

Do I eat you?

Have u seen my son his name is 'Nemo'?

People take them out of their cars?

My snow brush doesn't leave the car since there's no real reason to take it out.

In Newfoundland they got 58cm of snow today...it never hurts to be prepared

Yeah I wasnt really interested in this but seeing as Viacom etc.. want to poop it up, I decided to check it out.

Just in case anyone wants to torrent the movie: 1080p Version (6.84 GB) 720p Version (3.5 GB)

Anyone know of any other good docs about technology? Always on the lookout for something new ever since I saw Revolution OS, the BBS Doc, Triumph of the Nerds, Hackers are people too, etc.

The sun is being...cock blocked...

Don't taste the rain, Timmy.

I believe its a Penis Cloud, not a Cloud Penis.

Fucking OKCupid. How the hell is she a match for you?

It might as well be raining money for auto body shops.

My sister's house is gone :(. Everyone is ok though.

They didn't know Chinese but did roll with it.

Also: - Episode 1 - Episode 2 - Episode 3

Whats your favorite prank not on the internet?

Here's a story of how good of guy Kid Rock actually is: Bartending in a local place in Clarkston, MI (where Kid Rock lives) there's a girl I went to high school with waiting on his table. Her brother has/had MS; he was about 13 at the time and in a wheelchair. She called her mother and told her to bring her brother up right away in hopes to get a quick picture. So the mom brings the brother but Kid Rock just paid his tab (with about 6 or so people) and is getting up to leave. She tells Kid Rock about her brother, his illness and his love for Kid Rock, and that she was hoping she could just snap a quick picture of the two. Kid Rock said, and I quote, "fuck that! Bring that kid over and grab another round for us." Kid Rock sat there for another 30 minutes chatting with the brother, signed shirts, his hat, his wheelchair and took a ton of pictures with him. One of the coolest things I've seen a celebrity do.

To whom was he referring?

Always reminds of this protest by Nirvana when the played the Top of the Pops. The stringed instrument playing is spectacular.

Would still fuck

If the year what?

/r/milf ? I will be back...eventually.

As it turns out.. All I really want is a CG batman movie.

Black mask, white suit. Goddamn, that looks too fashionable to be legal.

Finally... BatBeard.

I have read the book many times, and I am in love with the story. It is so tragic and beautiful at the same time. I saw the movie and thought it was good. I saw it in 3D and thought the 3D added tension and it enhanced the beauty of the shots. The music wasn't all dubstep, it didn't distract from what was on-screen, it supported what was on-screen. To each his own, old sport.

I don't understand why so many viewers are unwilling to accept the reality of varying interpretations when it comes to things like this. Much in the same way that every single reader's experience of the book will be unique to them, this is just one way of approaching the story. I think too many people privilege their own interpretation of The Great Gatsby, or any book for that matter, and then treat movie adaptations unfairly.

TIL Jay-Z is dubstep.

Plot Twister: OP is Bill Paxton

I don't think I would have been able to pull myself out of the fetal position long enough to take this picture.

Wow you OK ?

This is why people have trust issues.

http://i.imgur.com/tUOsndX.gif

http://i.imgur.com/Ore8lu8.jpg

Damn kids and their bikes

Best thing I've seen on reddit in months....

He is the original "every man's man".

Hermiones beaded bag!

Forgetting Bender's compartment

I'm too lazy and unskilled to "fix" this post so imagine "my wife's purse" tacked on the bottom with relevant picture

What happened to the project?

I played it at the first Blizzcon. It was on about 100 Xbox's and it was the only place there with no line. The Arathi Basin and Blood Elf starting area lines were massive.

Anyone else look at the marine and think "shoop da woop"?

This is from Jack Fish by Jason Milligan. Funnily enough, this man is also one of the staff writers for Sesame Street.

50 shades of Gotham Edit: word yo

http://i.imgur.com/VbnPf.gif

Pablo Sanchez, all day every day.

Can we all just agree that Pablo is the greatest player in the history of Backyard Baseball?

woah woah woah, what's this I see about online play? I never had none of that.

put a piercing in it

Nice Jaggon! Can I stick my finger in your thrusher?

Put a pastie on it!

I lost a horseshoe playing that once.

they painted her with humiliation face not a happy face

Looks like they had Howard Stern's idea called "Lord of the Anal Ring Toss." http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sa0BkfAZzZc

Why is this a parallel universe? This is how most people feel on this plane. We don't need to go to another.

Clearly shopped.

Awful. Simply awful. Not even clever. 1/10.

So Reddit?

"Hey....are there any girls on here?" .....crickets....

I've yet to meet someone who isn't a fan of porn.

Arrested Development Quote

Hey brother.

Can someone make a wallpaper where it says "Hey Brother" instead of "Soon"

reminds me of http://i.imgur.com/aJBXXRA.jpg

Thanks Obama.

Hate it when people spill something and don't immediately pick it up. It's like "seriously?! In the time you're freaking out, more of my shit is getting ruined!"

I swear, as soon as the name "Benedict Cumberbatch" came into existence, all other names became instantly obsolete. I mean, what chance does "Will Smith" have against BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH?

If you don't know where this is from.. It's from Sherlock (TV-series from BBC) Go watch it, it's great!

Futurama did it!

Something that should have stayed in /r/mildlyinteresting

Wasted talent?

I see someone with way too much time on their hands.

Don't give up, friend.

Being a runner here is my advice. 1. Start out small do like one mile every other day. Then work up to everyday. 2. Work or distance and getting it down before time is concerned. 3. Increase mileage when you feel ready. If you're not sure do it every 2 weeks. Maybe by half a mile but, if you don't feel ready by the two weeks wait longer and keep running till you are. 4. Eat healthy and drink water. You always want to be hydrated! Good luck!! Hope this helps!

One of my friends had a similar story only with biking. He passed out while biking and fell over in someones lawn. Random dude was walking past and goes are you okay? Luckily it was just his pride that was hurt.

I think he saw you too.

Anyone else notice the copious amount of converse in this one picture?

Anyone else notice the shit ton of spoons under the seat? What goes on on the trains in Sweden?!?!?